Wednesday, July 06, 2005

LILEKS (James) :: The Bleat

"I took some solace in editing the family movie, which contains all sorts of heartstring-yanking moments. Last day of school. Last day of playroom. Last day of swim class! Get out the fargin’ hankies, son. It’s bad enough to cry at movies, but to cry at your own? Embarrassing. And it has nothing to do with the brilliance of my cinematography; it’s just the fatally cute combination of slo-mo and acoustic guitar that unmans me. For three years I’ve managed to get the “end of school” shot with Gnat walking away ito sunlight, and if you edit out the ambient noise, airplane racket, screechy kids, and boost the Pat Metheny, you get boo-hoo moments so powerful they could be used in a heartwarming local TV news segment. Yes, that heartwarming. The maximum amount of ventricle-enflaming Federal regs permit. My hands slip off the keyboard, because they are soaked with tears. Of joy! And regret.

What made this year’s effort even more unbearably emotional than usual was the dreaded Photo Montage, complete with pan-and-zoom effects for 37% more poignancy. I do it in the hopes that one day she’ll watch this an adult and realize that daddy loved her so much he took extra time to lock the audio clip to the playhead so it faded out just at the right moment, regardless of how much he edited out of the overlong swingset segment.

And if she doesn’t realize that right away, well, I’m sure iDVD 6.0 will allow me to add commentary tracks, so I can remind everyone. "